Posts archive for: February, 2009
  • Superman: A Poem

    You can be strong, you can do no wrong
    you can outrun a train
    you can fly in the rain
    you can withstand the bullets of hate
    you can overcome your Kryptonian fate
    but if you're without love
    no nothing's the same
    even being Superman
    seems so lame.

    Is Clark Kent really a disguise?
    Who does Lois Lane see in her eyes?
    Who you are?
    Or what you do?
    Who's her real hero
    when the day is through?

    You'd like to tell her
    but you hesitate
    wearing glasses for a mask
    seems your fate.

    Has she fallen for you
    or fallen for a cape?
    Does she love you for your heart
    or your muscleman shape?

    Oh Superman you may never know
    but it's her touch and smile
    that keeps you on the go
    for those leaps and bounds
    don't mean anything
    if to the one you love
    you're not everything.

    -written by Dracul Van Helsing
    Wednesday, Feb. 25th, 2009

  • Charles Laughton

    British actor Charles Laughton was one of the greatest
    actors of the 20th Century.

    Sadly he isn't as well known today as Sir Laurence
    Olivier but in some ways Laughton could be just as
    good as Olivier if not better in some of his acting
    performances.

    What brought this to mind is this past weekend, my dad
    and I watched the 13th installment of the BBC television
    series I, Claudius.

    I, Claudius was a famous BBC television series of the
    late 1970s which gained enormous popularity and a large
    following in North America when it was shown on American
    PBS television back in the early 1980s.

    We got the DVD back in December and we've been
    watching it on and off- 1 or 2 episodes a week ever
    since.

    Last Thursday, we watched the final installment- Episode 12-
    where Claudius eats poisoned mushrooms fed to him by
    Agrippina (the psychotic mother of the equally psychotic
    Emperor Nero) and promptly kicks the bucket.

    But there was a bonus on the DVD- a thirteenth episode- if
    you will - a documentary that was done on BBC television
    back in the mid-1960s.

    The documentary was about British filmmaker Sir
    Alexander Korda's forgotten and unfinished epic
    movie of 1937- I, Claudius- the first time they
    attempted to film Robert Graves' famed 1934 novel
    I, Claudius.

    The movie starred Charles Laughton as Claudius,
    Merle Oberon as Messalina and Flora Robson as Livia.

    Surprisingly this was one London Films production (London
    Films was the name of Sir Alexander Korda's studios) that
    Korda did not direct himself.

    He was just the producer.

    Instead he hired a German-American director named von
    Sternberg (the man who directed Marlene Dietrich in her
    breakthrough film in America, The Blue Angel) to direct
    his production of I, Claudius.

    Only a few scenes were shot in the film and then the
    project was scrapped.

    Coincidentally shooting on the film began on February 15th,
    1937.
    And it was the wee morning hours of February 15th, 2009 (exactly
    72 years later) that my dad and I watched the documentary about
    the making of this unknown and unfinished virtually forgotten
    epic.

    The film it turns out was Charles Laughton's most
    difficult role. He was having a hard time trying to figure
    out how to bring Claudius to life.

    For Charles Laughton was one of those method actors who
    wanted to totally immerse himself in the character and become
    that character. It was this that made him such a great actor of course.

    But he was having a heck of time trying to capture Claudius- trying
    to become Claudius- trying to bring Claudius to life.

    In a 1965 interview with Merle Oberon for the documentary, she
    said that during the month of shooting for the flim, Laughton would
    enter her dressing room and start crying on her shoulder for hours
    saying, "I can't find Claudius. I can't find Claudius. I can't bring
    Claudius to life."

    Needless to say, this caused numerous setbacks in the
    shooting schedule. And it lead to much bitter fighting
    between von Sternberg the director and Laughton the actor.

    Laughton was depressed.

    von Sternberg was depressed.

    And there was a feeling of tension and unease on the
    set.

    What finally killed the film was that Merle Oberon had a
    car accident after about a month of shooting into the film.

    It turns out Miss Oberon had a crazed chauffeur and
    the jerk blew through a traffic intersection crashing into
    another car and sending poor Miss Oberon flying
    through the windshield of the car (remember there were
    no seat belts in those days).

    Anyways Merle Oberon's face was badly cut
    and they didn't know if her scars would ever heal
    and since Merle had shot so many scenes as Messalina
    it would have been impossible to bring in a replacement for
    her (not that Korda would have allowed them to anyways
    since his purpose in making the picture was to make an epic
    greater than the Hollywood epics of the day with his beloved
    Merle as the star).

    And since the picture was behind schedule anyways because
    of Laughton's anghst and the tensions between Laughton and
    von Sternberg, it was decided to just scrap the picture.
    Of course, Merle Oberon's facial scars did heal but by the
    time they did, the chilling winds of impending war were already
    blowing across Europe so no effort was ever made to finish
    the picture.

    I remember as a young kid, I had a tremendous crush on
    Merle Oberon.

    There was one night a week when the local TV station every summer
    showed what they called a Korda Film Festival in which they ran one
    of Sir Alexander Korda's great London Films movies from the 1930s.

    The first film I ever saw Merle Oberon in was called The Divorce of
    Lady X and starred both Miss Oberon and the young Sir
    Laurence Olivier.

    I went to bed that night having pleasant dreams.

    I dreamed that I was busy kissing Merle Oberon.

    But my favourite Korda film of all with Merle Oberon in
    it was the 1934 The Scarlet Pimpernel in which she
    played Lady Blakeney and Leslie Howard played the
    eccentric English nobleman and seeming fop Sir Percy
    Blakeney (it was just an act for he was actually
    the courageous intelligent and brave Scarlet
    Pimpernel who saved thousands of Frechmen
    and women and children from their deaths at the
    hands of Madame Guillotine during the French Revolution).

    I remember the dresses Merle Oberon wore in that
    film were absolutely gorgeous.

    So I'd go to bed imagining that I was the
    Scarlet Pimpernel and having spent the day
    rescuing people from Robespierre's guillotine
    would spend my nights kissing and making out
    with the lovely and beautiful Merle Oberon.

    In the few scenes that were shot with
    Merle Oberon as Messalina in I, Claudius,
    she made a priceless and far better Messalina
    than the one they cast in the mid-70s BBC TV
    production.

    And Flora Robson made a far better Livia
    than did the one cast in the mid-70s TV production.

    Derek Jacobi was of course excellent as Claudius in
    the BBC-TV production.

    But how did he stack up against Laughton?

    Well of course not too many scenes were shot
    with Laughton as Claudius because of Laughton's personal
    anghst in trying to capture the character.

    My godfather a retired high school art teacher
    who used to also do set designs for local stage
    theatre productions once met Charles Laughton.

    My godfather and another man Bob Willis
    were doing set designs for a University
    Studio Theatre production back in the 1950s
    and Charles Laughton was going to be sitting
    in the audience on the opening night of the production.

    The play was a Greek tragedy and was to be set
    in the Temple of Diana of the Ephesians.

    Now for those of you who have studied classical
    Greek history, the statue of Diana of the Ephesians
    was of course a multi-breasted woman.

    So my godfather and Bob did a faithful reproduction of
    the statue- there was Diana of the Ephesians in all her
    multi-breasted glory.

    Well of course in Social Credit governed Alberta of
    the 1950s, to show a statue of a nude multi-breasted
    woman would be verbotten shall we say? ;)

    So the breasts were covered up with gauze and cloths.

    My godfather being the meek and mild mannered man
    that he is went along with it.

    But Bob Willis was fuming.

    On opening night before the play began,
    Bob stormed out on stage in front of the curtain
    and began a long diatribe against censorship to
    the audience.

    At first the director thought, "oh well. We'll just
    give Bob the chance to get it all off his chest
    and then the play can begin."

    But Bob wasn't letting up in getting it all
    off his chest (the way Diana of the Ephesians
    had got it all on her chest) and so after
    20 minutes with no end in sight, the play's
    director sent out a couple of extra strong
    stage hands to drag Bob off stage.

    Bob had to be dragged literally kicking
    and screaming off the stage.
    At the end of the play, Charles Laughton
    in the theatre auditorium was asked by the local
    press what he thought of the play and Laughton
    answered in all honesty and seriousness, "Well
    I do think the play dragged a bit but I thought
    the prologue was positively brilliant. I don't
    think I've ever seen a better performed prologue
    to this play. That fellow was marvellous.
    A marvellous actor. And to have him dragged
    kicking and screaming off the stage like that-
    with such utter passion. My kudos to the director
    for conceiving such a brilliant performance."

    As to who was the better Claudius? Laughton
    or Derek Jacobi?

    Well most of the scenes with Laughton as Claudius,
    Laughton did seem a bit unsure of himself.

    You could see his anghst in trying to capture the
    character.

    Ironically on the same day that Merle Oberon had her
    car accident, they shot the scene where Claudius
    after the murder of Caligula is dragged off by the
    Praetorian Guard to the chambers of the Roman
    Senate to have Claudius acclaimed Emperor.

    The night before, Laughton had spent hours
    listening to a grammophone recording of
    King Edward VIII's abdication speech
    in which Edward gave up the throne "for the woman
    I love" (Mrs. Wallis Simpson).

    That morning like a child, Laughton excitedly entered
    the studio, exclaiming with glee, "I've found him.
    I've found Claudius."

    And after watching that performance where Laughton as
    Claudius had spoken to the Senate and the Praetorian
    Guard, my dad and I both sat silent at the end of the speech.

    It's what one does when one is in the presence of a
    great work of art.

    Viewing the Mona Lisa in the Louvre.

    Or gazing at Michaelangelo's Last Judgement on
    the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

    Or putting down a copy of Shakespeare's or Keats'
    sonnets.

    Or having just listened to Beethoven's 9th Symphony.

    I don't think I've ever seen or probably ever will see
    a better speech delivered on a screen by an actor.

    It was even better than Sir Laurence Olivier's St.
    Crispin's Day speech from his performance as
    Shakespeare's King Henry V.

    For Laughton had indeed become Claudius.

    Sad that the day it happened, Merle Oberon
    had a car accident and the picture was shelved.

    For what was probably the greatest film performance
    in all of motion picture history has sadly been seen by few
    as a result.

    Only those fortunate enough to watch that scene on
    that documentary about the forgotten unfinished epic
    of Sir Alexander Korda would have seen it.

    And today instead of wondering whether it
    was Sir Laurence Olivier or Sir John Gielgud
    who was the 20th Century's greatest actor,
    there'd be no discussion.

    Laughton as Claudius. The silver screen's greatest
    performance.

    The 20th Century's greatest actor.

  • Cupid

    Just another Valentine's Day.

    Just another Saturday night.

    Except it was a Saturday night that was a Valentine's Day.

    And once again Cupid was working.

    Valentine's Day.

    It was his one big day of the year.

    Santa Claus had Christmas.

    The Easter Bunny had Easter.

    And Al Gore had April Fool's Day.

    But this, Cupid thought, this was his day.

    This was his moment, this was his time.

    To paraphrase Barack Obama.

    Cupid set out for the nearest nightclub with his arrows.

    After a short kerfuffle with the bouncer, he drew back an arrow and shot the bouncer in the heart.

    Just as a male ballet dancer wearing pink tutus arrived on the scene.

    The tattooed muscle bound bouncer ran after the pink tutued
    male ballet dancer who shouted, "Help! "Help!".

    Cupid entered the nightclub.

    He noticed a girl with pink hair sitting up at the bar.

    "Hey Psyche," the bartender said to the pink haired girl, "what will it be?".

    "A Pink Lady," Psyche replied.

    Cupid shot his arrow at Psyche.

    "Now for the bartender," he thought.

    But he was having problems getting the arrow into his bow...

    and he accidently shot himself in the heart.

    Psyche gazed at Cupid.

    And Cupid gazed at Psyche.

    And after so many eons, Cupid himself now had a girlfriend.

    HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, everyone!

  • Poem For Valentine's Day

    Lips to drink this red, red wine
    lips to kiss these lips of mine
    grapes to share
    scented air
    moonlight and paradise
    honeycakes and sweet sweet rice
    nectar divine
    music sublime
    oh my love,
    wilt thou be mine?

    -Dracul Van Helsing
    February 12th, 2009

  • No One Knows Where The Circle Ends

    Bernie the Baker reached for four chocolate eclairs.

    It was for the same kid who had been buying them every
    Friday afternoon now for the past 2 years.

    The kid didn't say much. Just bought four
    chocolate eclairs. And left the shop.

    Bernie looked at the clock. Yep, just after
    4 o' clock- the same time every Friday
    the kid bought them.

    There was a late afternoon rush of business
    people on their way home who stopped to buy
    his goods.

    At 6 o' clock, Bernie closed up shop.

    He walked around the block to the little
    deli where he ate every Friday night.

    He couldn't handle going back to his apartment
    alone every Friday night.

    Friday night had been his and Estelle's night to go out-
    have dinner, a glass of wine and then go to a movie,
    a concert or a stage play.

    How he missed those times.

    He didn't think Estelle would have been the first to go.

    Then he thought.

    That was selfish of him.

    How did he think Estelle would have felt had he been
    the first to go?

    Living life without the one you truly love must be hard for
    anyone male or female.

    Being the one left behind is not easy for anyone no
    matter who they are.

    Of course these days there were plenty of husbands and wives
    who felt quite relieved when their spouses die.

    But that wasn't true for him and Estelle.

    His and Estelle's had been a golden love story- one of those
    rare and too unfrequent occasions when two soulmates actually met
    and encountered one another in the right place at the right time-
    the encounter that the rest of us can only dream about.

    Some of us may even think that such a love does not exist.

    Because it's not part of our life, our experience.

    Bernie ate his cold meat sandwich and thought back on his
    life.

    He thought of Richard's Milkshake Bar.

    Wow. Richard's Milkshake Bar.

    He hadn't thought of that place in years.

    A place he had visited when he was a kid.

    Oh, how he had loved Richard's Milk Shake Bar.

    Chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, blueberry, raspberry and seemingly
    every other flavour under the sun.

    You know he had never tasted a milkshake as good before or since.

    There was just something about Richard's milkshakes that was different
    and better than any other milkshake.

    What was that secret ingredient?

    Probably love, his romantic of a mother would have said.

    Some people carry out their jobs with love
    and it makes all the difference in the world his mother
    told him. Love. Passion. It's what created excellence not greed or desire
    for fame, his mother told him.

    Funny, the time he had walked into Richard's Milkshake Bar
    and had been told the old man had died came as a stunning
    blow to him.

    He had felt Richard would always be there. Always be there serving
    his delicious milkshakes. But he was gone.

    Still Bernie ordered a mikshake from the new
    owner.

    But it wasn't the same.

    And it would never be the same.

    Funny, the day he walked away from
    Richard's Mikshake Bar the day Richard
    had died, Bernie knew then that he would
    look on this period of his life as a golden
    age, a golden age as far as milkshakes were
    concerned.

    Bernie finished his sandwich and got
    up to pay the bill.

    As he did so, Bernie felt a sharp piercing
    pain in his chest.

    He fell to the floor gasping for breath.

    Someone call an ambulance, the deli
    manager shouted.

    Bernie looked at the whirling images
    of faces now around him.

    The manager, the cashier, the waitress,
    the paramedics as they came rushing
    through the door.

    Then he looked at the woman to his immediate
    right.

    Estelle.

    It was Estelle.

    How young and beautiful she looked.

    Bernie looked up at her and smiled.

    And then closed his mortal eyes for the last
    time.

    Paul entered the bakery promptly at
    4 PM the next Friday afternoon.

    He looked around for signs of old Bernie.

    Where was old Bernie?

    He looked at the chocolate eclairs.

    What was up with the chocolate eclairs?

    They didn't look the same.

    "Can I help you?" a gruff voice spoke to him.

    "Um... where's Bernie?" Paul asked.

    "Bernie's dead," the voice answered very
    unsympathetically, "he croaked last Friday
    night."

    "Um..." Bernie looked at the chocolate eclairs,
    "I'll have... I'll have... one chocolate eclair please."

    "One chocolate eclair?" the man answered, "is
    that all?".

    "Yes," Paul nodded.

    As he walked down the street after
    leaving the bakery, Paul bit into the solitary
    chocolate eclair.

    No, it wasn't the same.

    And even though young as Paul was, he
    felt the voice of wisdom telling him that somehow
    this was the end of the golden age as far as
    chocolate eclairs were concerned.

    He would never again taste a chocolate eclair
    as good as Bernie's had been.

    15 years later as Paul sat on a bench
    on a promenade overlooking the river
    valley, he munched on a ham and cheese
    sandwich and started thinking about
    Bernie's Bakery.

    Funny, he hadn't thought about Bernie's Bakery
    in ages. Bernie's Bakery. And those yummy
    mouthwatering out of this world chocolate
    eclairs.

    What was in it that made them so good?,
    Paul wondered.

    "Hi, is it all right if I sit here?" a soft gentle
    feminine voice asked him.

    Paul looked up. A beautiful woman in a multicoloured
    spring dress stood there.

    "Sure," Paul stammered somewhat.

    Paul had always usually felt comfortable around pretty women
    but this woman somehow felt different.

    Not that Paul didn't feel comfortable in her presence
    but he felt extremely awkward as well for some reason.

    Both extremely extremely extremely comfortable and at
    the same time awkward. It was a strange sensation.

    The more Paul and the young woman whose name was
    Laura talked, the more comfortable he felt.

    They got up and left the bench and walked on a
    path along the river.

    They were so busy looking at each other, of course
    neither of them would notice the tiny plaque on the park
    bench.

    For the city encouraged people and businesses to donate
    money to pay for these park benches.

    And plaques would be put on the back of these
    benches naming the people or business who
    had sponsored this particular bench.

    As Paul walked away with Laura, he thought to
    himself, yes the golden age of chocolate eclairs
    was long behind him but he couldn't help thinking
    to himself that some vaster greater golden age of
    something far far more wonderful lay just ahead
    of him.

    As for the plaque on the very old but extremely well
    kept-up park bench, it read,

    Bernie and Estelle- two people who were very much
    in love.

    The End.

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