Dracul Van Helsing

Part 3 Nathan De Burgh Polar Bear Private Eye

And so Nathan took the case
while the penguin's huskies
held a race
with penguin following
at great pace.

The penguin whose name was Dan
used for deodorant Ultra-Ban
A good thing
the huskies he couldn't outran.

And so to the North Pole Nathan went
in his Model T Ford without a dent
this rare gem he did own
along with a ring tone
on his cell phone.

His cell phone went off
like an Irishman's cough
just as he spotted
Santa's reindeer trough.

To be continued.

Part 2 Nathan De Burgh Polar Bear Private Eye

Said the penguin, I am a singer
also a part-time bell ringer
I was to sing at Obama's inaugural ball
day after election, I got the call
my manager nearly hit the walll.

But something happened, alas, alas
I need to take epsom salts for my gas
somebody has stolen my singing voice
over this, my showerhead did rejoice.
Who do you think stole your voice?
Nathan did inquire
while the penguin danced
like his pants were on fire.

Somebody at the North Pole I suspect
a certain elf gives me no respect
He put coal in my stockings last year
which caused a rash in my rear
now I always look before I put on stockings
I'm a Knight of the Garter
isn't that shocking?

Nathan took some aspirin off the shelf
washed it down with water,
"What's the name of this elf?".

His name is Antonio Flavius
certainly a pain in the avius
He works for Santa
sometimes Banta
He makes loads of toys
for good girls and boys.

To be continued.

Nathan De Burgh Polar Bear Private Eye

This is a poem I wrote today about a polar bear private
eye who lives at the North Pole not far from Santa
Claus and his toy workshop.

Nathan de Burgh was a polar bear
he had no need for long underwear
He lived on a berg made of ice
in a little igloo that was nice.

He was a private eye
this polar bear was
who claimed he was
Philip Marlow's cuz.

One day as he was sitting in his office
reading the works of Thomas Malthus
a penguin knocked at his door
and Nathan hit the floor.

"You're a long way from home?"
said Nathan the bear.
"Indeed," said the penguin
in his tuxedo wear.

From South Pole to North Pole
the penguin had come
accompanied by huskies
and a bottle of rum.

"What brings you here?
So far to so near?"
Nathan drank
his ginger beer.

Swatting aside some whirling dervishes,
the penguin replied,
I'm seeking your services.

To be continued.

Jack O'Hare and Tiny Tim

Jack O' Hare is the name I have given a
jack rabbit that lives in my back yard.

Tiny Tim is the name I have given a squirrel that
lives in my back yard.

Although neither my dad nor I have seen Jack
O'Hare for a while, we often see Tiny Tim
leaping from tree to tree hoarding apples
and pine cones.

Jack O'Hare and Tiny Tim

In the autumn chill, trees are bare
still no sign of Jack O'Hare
oh where has gone my big-earred furry friend
with a big tail on his rear-end?

Oh Tiny Tim do you know
as you watch the North winds blow
from your tree so high
from which you observe
ground and sky?

Any sign of a mad hopper
eating the lettuce
cause it's so topper
well Tim as you sit and grapple
carrying your big load apple
say hello to Jack for me
as you guard the yard
up in your tree.

Halloween Rap Song

Here's a poem I wrote in the form
of a rap song as it would be sung
by a nasty gangsta rappa ghoulie!

It's Halloween quite the scene
as demons roam
outside your home
kinda sends a chill to the bone
but the cat is dead
as you lay in bed
zombies rule
their head a ghoul
He'll slice you in half
with a sword for a staff
such is voodoo witchcraft.